Macy’s Closes Stores, Santa Readies The Naughty List
In the law offices of Reedy, William, and Abel, Roger Cohen sits behind his desk waiting for just the right moment to stand up and greet his new client. The client had been represented by the firm for decades but this was Cohen’s first time meeting him.
“Mr, Cohen,” a voice over the intercom said. “Here he comes.”
Roger stood up, not sure what to expect. Would he be like the images on television and greeting cards or was that just his work outfit? He could see a glimpse of red approaching his office door and knew it wasn’t just a work outfit. He stood up and stretched out a hand.
“Mr. Cohen. So nice to meet you. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” the client said.
“Santa, it’s my honor. We’ve always valued this relationship and my kids are not going to believe what I did today. Please have a seat,” he said guiding Santa toward a chair that clearly wasn’t going to be big enough.
“I was going to ask if you want to take off your coat but I assume that’s a non-starter,” Roger said. Santa smiled a big, warm smile. Roger found himself suddenly wanting a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie. “Let’s sit over on the couch.”
“Thank you.”
“So, Santa. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I assume you saw the news about Macy’s?”
“I read it in the paper. They plan to close 150 stores over the next three years, 50 of which will shut by the end of this year.”
“Exactly. We have to find a way to stop it.”
Roger squirms a little.”Stop it?”
“They must keep those stores open. Macy’s is very important to me and, I believe, I to them.”
“Well, do you own any stock, have any sort of formal relationship with them?”
“Yes and no,” Santa says, “Rather, no and yes. I don’t own any stock, definitely not a shareholder though they have made me offers over the years.”
“They have?”
“Yes but it was all based on me having to give up my relations with other businesses and I just didn’t see how that would be possible.”
“I see,” Roger says, still trying to process what was going on.
“That said, we’ve had a relationship going back to 1861 when R.H. Macy himself invited me to come visit the children’s department so they could see me putting toys on the shelf and I could ask them what they wanted for Christmas.
“And then things took off in 1924 when they started the parade and I agreed to ride in on the last float to herald in the start of the Christmas season.”
“Of course,” Roger says. “So a long-term relationship but nothing formal, nothing in writing.”
Santa shakes his head.
“Well, that could make things more difficult.”
“I just never thought I needed it. Things ran smoothly. They’ve always been one of my top customers. Then this. Not even a phone call giving me a heads up,. If they close a third of the stores, it’s going to put a real bite on my operation.”
“You don’t mean—-“
“I’d have to lay off some of the elves.”
“Let me be honest with you. I’m not sure how far we would get legally but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use it as a threat. I do think, though, you have a stronger weapon than a lawsuit in your arsenal.”
“What’s that?”
“The naughty list,” Roger says, seeing Santa perk up a bit. “I think we should have a press conference where you say this move by Macy’s is bad for business, that you might have to lay off some elves, that you’re ready to sue. Then you drop the bomb, saying that while you’d rather not go down this route, you’ve put in an order for more coal and you’re prepared to starting putting Macy’s executives on the naughty list if things don’t change.”
Santa stands up and reaches out to shake Roger’s hand, telling him, “Roger, keep this up and you will definitely be on the nice list this year.”
“Thanks, Santa. I’ll be in touch to work out the details. In the meantime, do you need parking validated?”
“Nope. Just parked the reindeer on the roof.”