Kennedy Center Announces New Season
“We are going to make the Kennedy Center in Washington DC GREAT AGAIN. I have decided to immediately terminate multiple individuals…who do not share our vision for a Golden Age in Arts and Culture. The Kennedy Center is an American jewel, and must reflect the brightest STARS in its state from all across our Nation…the best is yet to come!” - President Trump
Reflecting the directives from President Trump, the newly named Donald Trump Presents the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts is proud to announce our upcoming season. It will be a triumphant mix of concerts, plays, musicals, staged readings; a combination of classics and classics reimagined to reflect how we’re MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
The season opens with a show we believe will set the tone. President Trump asked us to figure out how to make the greatest show in television history even more wonderful. The answer is THE APPRENTICE: THE MUSICAL!
With music and lyrics by George Santos who penned such classics as Hello Dolly! and Cats, and a book by President Trump, the show will forever be remembered as a musical celebration of the American Dream.
The second show of the season will be a retooling of the American classic, GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER? Instead of a heartfelt examination of race in the country, the new version is a documentary that follows President Trump as he eats dinner at McDonald’s restaurants across the country.
Under the direction of the president, Kid Rock has retooled GRACELAND, Paul Simon’s classic celebration of South African music and the American ideal. Rock’s revision still captures the spirit of the embattled country but this time from the perspective of the long oppressed white farmers.
We will mark the halfway mark of our splendid season dedicated to the greatness of our country with a special evening featuring one of our greatest actors. MY THOUGHTS: THE SOCIAL MESSAGING OF PRESIDENT TRUMP stars the one and only Sylvester Stallone doing a dramatic reading of President Trump’s postings to Twitter, now X, and Truth Social.
Stallone will use his noted range to bring emotion to the numerous thoughtful comments of our “Communicator in Chief.” Stallone will recite Trump’s very first tweet when he promoted an upcoming appearance on Late Night with David Letterman. He will bring people back to the moment when President Trump showed his comedy chops by tweeting “covefe” and he will bring the audience to moments when the president made policy by Tweet.
Another concert will start off the season’s second half. Kid Rock and the Village People will headline a musical tour through the many rallies the president has had over the years. Joining them will be cover bands performing the works of Billy Joel, The Rolling Stones, Elton John, Tom Petty, and more. TRUMP! THE CAMPAIGN MUSIC CONCERT” will benefit a charity that President Trump will one day set up. In the meantime, he’ll keep an eye on the money; he thinks everyone agrees that is “THE BEST IDEA.”
Three of America’s greatest actors – Scott Baio, Randy Quaid, and Jon Voight – will host a weekend movie marathon of films that feature cameo appearances by President Trump. TRUMP ON THE BIG SCREEN will include screenings of The Associate, Ghosts Can’t Do It, Eddie, The Liile Rascals, Two Week Notice, Zoolander, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Finally, the season will come to an end close with what can only be described as the best retelling of Shakespeare since Strange Brew starring Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis updated Hamlet.
RENT 2: THE REAL STORY will have theater-goers scratching their heads and saying “I guess that’s how it could have happened.” Sure everyone knows the story of Mimi and Roger and Tom Collins and how they were struggling to live and pay their rent. This version takes the audience to the home of the landlord who is wondering how much longer he has to subsidize these cheapskates before he’s finally allowed to kick them out so he can renovate the building and finally collect some rent.
Roseanne Barr will star as Mimi, James Woods as Roger and Stephen Baldwin as The Landlord.