How Have You Spent Your Friday? I've Been On The Phone With A Medical Supply Company
First off. My name is Colin Miner; not Helen Miller. More on that in a few moments.
I just spent hours on the phone with the company that supplies the transmitters and sensors for my continuous glucose monitor. For those not lucky enough to have Type 1 Diabetes, having that kind of device allows you to constantly keep track of your blood sugar without having to constantly stick your finger and getting a drop of blood on a test strip that goes into a monitor you have to carry around with you.
In some cases, again don’t be jealous, the monitor and transmitter work with an insulin pump. Having the pump means you don’t have to give yourself shots of insulin several times a day using just enough needles to give your home the appearance of a heroin den.
My phone call with the company came out because they sent me a text this morning saying they would not be able to refill my prescription because there was a problem with my insurance company. What was the problem? I figure knowing that would allow me to come up with a plan of attack to get the situation resolved.
After all, I’d been through this just about three months ago when the insurance company refused to approve my refills unless my endocrinologist filled out a bunch of paper work they had just recently filled out. Took me about a dozen calls lasting hours in total over a three week period to get that straightened out.
Turned out someone had misread something on their screen at some point. They didn’t need all the paperwork they thought I needed. They didn’t need any paperwork. My refills should have just been approved and mailed out to me. The insurance company was very nice and apologized. It more than made up for the hours I’d spent on the phone and hours more I’d spent worrying.
So, I called the medical supply company to find out what was going on.
First person I got was very cheerful and in a call center somewhere overseas. They didn’t have to tell me that explicitly. It was about 10 in the morning here and they started the conversation by wishing me a good evening.
Evening, I asked.
Well, I hope you’re having a good night.
Okay then. To get speak to that live person, I’d been required to jump through hoops by providing a computerized voice with my birthdate, mailing address, phone number, favorite movie from the Marvel Cinematic Universe and whether I preferred vanilla or chocolate ice cream.
Once I got the live person, the first they did was ask me the same questions so they could again verify my identity.
This said to me one of three things was going on: they were concerned that in the less than 60 seconds it took the computer to connect me, I’d somehow been replaced by an imposter; that the live person and the computer were not on speaking terms; or that they were just testing my patience.
Fairly sure it was three because soon after verifying my identity, I was disconnected. Maybe they intentionally hung up on me but what kind of medical related call center would ever do such a thing?
So, called back, went though the hoops again and actually got someone who asked me why I was calling.
I explained that I wasn’t 100 percent sure, only that there was some sort of insurance problem.
The person, who despite having “verified” my identity insisted on calling me “Helen Miller,” cheerfully explained that according to the notes in my file, the verification department had reached out to my insurance company and got a recording saying they were closed today. Now, I don’t want to name the company because miraculously, this seems to be a rare case in which the insurance company was not to blame.
I can assure you that it’s a company that’s one of the larger ones and is not known to close on random Fridays in February.
I asked the person if they could give me the phone number that had been called so I could try to resolve this. They said - again, remarkably cheerily - that they’d love to but that didn’t have the information but would quickly connect me to the department that could help.
Moments later, I hear “Reauthorization department.”
And the phone goes dead.
At this point I feel like I’m trapped ion a video game, using up lives as I try to advance to the next level.
I call again and get to the live person portion of the game. I explain that I’d already hone through a couple of levels, I knew the department I needed and could they just connect me. I said I didn’t want to waste their time and I certainly didn’t want to waste any more of my own.
Maybe it’s the alignment of the planets but they connected me.
The person I then got started off by explaining that I’d been sent to the wrong department.
I’m pretty sure that they could hear my jaw hit the floor as I sucked all the oxygen out of the West Coast.
“But I’m happy to get this resolved for you.”
A few moments later, the person came back on the call, saying, “Honestly not sure what happened but your situation has been resolved. The supplies should be shipped out on Monday.”
Now we’ll have to wait to find next week if that actually happens but I am left with the feeling that with people like Robert Kennedy Jr and Dr. Oz at the center of government efforts to remake health care, things can only get better.
And by better, I mean worse. Much worse.